Last night I had a dream I was at work behind the counter sitting on a toilet and chatting to my old primary school friends. What does that mean? Nothing of course; but it wasn’t an embarrassing dream. In fact it was quite fun. Perhaps I’ll try it for real.
So what happened today (during waking hours)? Well it all started off with the ride in the hot air balloon. That took me and my fiancée up to 13,000ft where we enjoyed beautiful views, freezing cold, and a picnic consisting of Melton Mowbray pork pies, sauerkraut, sea cucumber sandwiches, and champagne & strawberries. After we had finished our picnic, we broke free of our moorings and piloted the balloon at breakneck speeds over treetops. A squirrel jumped from the top of a majestic conifer into our basket, and managed to complete 40,000 revolutions before I was able to stun it with my peashooter and kick its little arse off my land.
Our little jaunt in the balloon was just for a treat and not a new mode of everyday transport. Once we landed I wanted to take it easy so I headed down to Washington Square Park with a song in my heart and a pistol in my pocket. I took my usual seat amongst my fellow chess grandmasters. While playing I watched street performers juggling and frolicking, children flying kites, young women jogging and old drunkards hobbling and rolling around the floor. I gave my shoes to a beggar, and bought myself a brand new pair of brogues. They made me feel like tap dancing down the street, but after a few aborted attempts I gave up and went for a drink instead.
A couple of drinks and I was feeling fine so I dipped into my secret tunnel through the centre of the earth and popped out in Australia. After sorting out the mess with all those little floods and stuff, I went to the beech to fill up on shrimp, and indulge my dangerous hobby of blue-ringed octopus harassing. Anyway, as I was doing all of this malarkey a terminator materialised before me. It was naked, like they are, and I gave it a chance to dress quickly before the chase was on. It got its foot stuck in a drain, and it was an obsolete model so I had no real problem vanquishing it and before I knew it I was able to get on with my day as though nothing had happened. Not much to write home about there. Regardless to say, the future of mankind is safe.
I retreated back into my underground catacombs, where I can wander freely from continent to continent , popped my head above ground in Albuquerque, New Mexico, made a left turn and eventually ended up at my final destination for the day, the Nameless City beyond the mountains of madness central to the Antarctic continent. Sadly I saw no Shoggoths, no Elder Things, and certainly no other Cthulhu mythological beasts, demons or gods. The city was long abandoned, and I only explored a small portion of it. I will return when I am properly equipped. The most important thing now is sleep.