... but I stopped. Now I'm a dad, and may blog again...
Showing posts with label adventures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adventures. Show all posts

Thursday, January 26, 2012

509: Pour myself a cup of ambition

A snapshot into my life in especially excruciating detail; I hope you enjoy. I compile a list of products; a particular type of stock which one might browse and purchase when out and about in the high street. These products have, to me, no names, merely numbers for example 72153. Being au fait with the workings of these product codes I am able to disregard the initial seven, knowing like I do that it merely represents my department. The following 21 is the sub-department, and the 53 indicates the style. Therefore I am able to communicate basic ideas about stock using mostly numbers. Working from a list of paper, which looks like 73423, 73283, 73342, 77923, 79893, 79223, 73123, 71293, 74291, 71912, 73989, 79128, 78992, 72912, 79932, 77272, 74322, 71232, 74321, 74121, 73122, 78829, 71923, 73192, 73192 x2, 71922, 71291, 79322, 71492, 71923, I am able to pull from the dusty stock room a large towering pile of boxes. Each box contains between nine and 40 of a product, usually individually wrapped with plastic and paper.

Standing beside the piles of boxes, I create a smaller pile three or four boxes high so that the top-most is at a comfortable working height, requiring me to neither bend nor reach beyond a limit unacceptable to me. Using a safety box opener/knife which I usually keep in my right trouser pocket I slit open the lid. Sometimes I find the safety knife has made its way into my left pocket, and there is usually a moment when I think just a minute, where has that silly little knife gone and put itself? Once the box is open, and the four leaves/tabs are folded back out of the way I proceed to unpack the stock. One at a time I lift each item from the box, remove it from its plastic bag, pull out any cardboard or paper, or any further plastic, and deposit the packaging into an orange bin bag. The bin bag is often tied to the side of a trolley (more about the trolley soon; much more), or sometimes just hung off the side of the box. Sometimes I even put the bag inside the box. More and more recently this has become my preference, as it results in the minimum need for unnecessary twisting and turning.

As each item of stock is removed from its packaging (a process we refer to as prepping; a whimsical shortening of the word preparing) it is placed in a large trolley. When the trolley is full it can then be wheeled onto the shop floor where the stock can be deposited onto the shelves in the appropriate locations. The convenience of the trolley as a medium for transporting stock lies within its possession of four small wheels (almost verging into the realm of castors), one located in each corner of the trolley's base, coming into contact with the floor, and enabling a significant increase in manoeuvrability than one would expect from a similar object lacking wheels. Once the contents of the trolley has been evacuated it can, and should, be wheeled back into the stock room and the process repeated. This is done until its time to go and have a cup of coffee.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

177: and it all really happened, it did, it did

Last night I had a dream I was at work behind the counter sitting on a toilet and chatting to my old primary school friends.  What does that mean?  Nothing of course; but it wasn’t an embarrassing dream.  In fact it was quite fun.  Perhaps I’ll try it for real.

So what happened today (during waking hours)?  Well it all started off with the ride in the hot air balloon.  That took me and my fiancĂ©e up to 13,000ft where we enjoyed beautiful views, freezing cold, and a picnic consisting of Melton Mowbray pork pies, sauerkraut, sea cucumber sandwiches, and champagne & strawberries.  After we had finished our picnic, we broke free of our moorings and piloted the balloon at breakneck speeds over treetops.  A squirrel jumped from the top of a majestic conifer into our basket, and managed to complete 40,000 revolutions before I was able to stun it with my peashooter and kick its little arse off my land.

Our little jaunt in the balloon was just for a treat and not a new mode of everyday transport.  Once we landed I wanted to take it easy so I headed down to Washington Square Park with a song in my heart and a pistol in my pocket.  I took my usual seat amongst my fellow chess grandmasters.  While playing I watched street performers juggling and frolicking, children flying kites, young women jogging and old drunkards hobbling and rolling around the floor.  I gave my shoes to a beggar, and bought myself a brand new pair of brogues.  They made me feel like tap dancing down the street, but after a few aborted attempts I gave up and went for a drink instead.

A couple of drinks and I was feeling fine so I dipped into my secret tunnel through the centre of the earth and popped out in Australia.  After sorting out the mess with all those little floods and stuff, I went to the beech to fill up on shrimp, and indulge my dangerous hobby of blue-ringed octopus harassing.  Anyway, as I was doing all of this malarkey a terminator materialised before me.  It was naked, like they are, and I gave it a chance to dress quickly before the chase was on.  It got its foot stuck in a drain, and it was an obsolete model so I had no real problem vanquishing it and before I knew it I was able to get on with my day as though nothing had happened.  Not much to write home about there.  Regardless to say, the future of mankind is safe.

I retreated back into my underground catacombs, where I can wander freely from continent to continent , popped my head above ground in Albuquerque, New Mexico, made a left turn and eventually ended up at my final destination for the day, the Nameless City beyond the mountains of madness central to the Antarctic continent.  Sadly I saw no Shoggoths, no Elder Things, and certainly no other Cthulhu mythological beasts, demons or gods.  The city was long abandoned, and I only explored a small portion of it.  I will return when I am properly equipped.  The most important thing now is sleep.