... but I stopped. Now I'm a dad, and may blog again...

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

167: sickening life-draining lingering zombification

Continuing yesterday’s geek-on I actually can’t wait for today’s episode of Stargazing LIVE.  Unfortunately the inevitable and unpleasant return to work is drawing closer.  Closer and closer with every ticking tocking second; closer and closer, eating away at my freedom and happiness.  That’s what work is, was and always will be.  The sickening life-draining lingering zombification that is the menial minimum wage grind.  Where is that deus ex machina that will purge my life of tedium and time-wasting, and fill my bank account?  Anyway, now that is out of my system I can go back to the childish enthusiasm roused by popular science and stuff.  It just makes me think what am I doing wasting my time for £5-something an hour when there is so much to learn and explore and write about.

As you might be able to tell I am currently undergoing some sort of late-20s crisis involving my professional life (or lack of one) and my private life (which is haemorrhaging money exponentially), and seeing people living their passions makes my lot hard to swallow.  I guess the only cure at the moment is patience and hard work.  I must have the patience to do the day job and not let it take over my life, and still allow myself the time to work hard on finishing the main three writing projects I am working on and getting them sent to the target markets.  Also I’ve now got a wedding to save for that I’ve barely thought about, but which has taken over my fiancée’s mind.  Just remember to breathe.  And get some sleep occasionally.

It’s times like this when I wish I was one of those massive losers who has ‘moved out’ into their parents cellar, and has loads of ‘friends’ on X-Box Live, and no reason or motivation to work.  Instead I’ve got real things like a flat and a fiancée and some good cook books and kitchen appliances, and gosh darn it I actually have to go and earn a living.  Although if I go on much longer with this unappealing whining and complaining, lazily wishing I was a slug, I might find myself suddenly single and living in a cellar in Lancaster.  That really wouldn’t do at all; be careful what you wish for, etc.  How much writing would I actually be likely to do if I had nothing to motivate me?  I would certainly spend my days sleeping, evenings drinking and nights watching telly and playing Civilisation IV.  Not that much different from now, to be honest.  So even though I have confused myself, and possibly made the opposite point to the one I thought I might make, I think I have reminded myself what it’s all about.  Confused?  Yes, me too.  It’s best I don’t read that back and try to make sense of it; I really don’t have the time.

Right I’m off for a cup of tea, and then try and get a little non-blog writing done before I fall asleep.  And maybe I’ll apply to join the runner pool at BBC Salford.

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