Today is a historic day; ten years or more in the making. An internationally wanted villain has had his comeuppance. Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was killed by US Navy Seals under order of President Barack Obama. Two years of surveillance of couriers traced his videos two a gigantic new walled complex in the heart of Pakistan, less than a kilometre from Pakistan’s biggest military training academies. The fight against Islamic fascism and terrorism has achieved a major milestone. Today is a day that history will remember.
To mark the occasion I will today write about cats. I popped out to the shop and a couple of moments ago and something moving caught the corner of my eye. I swung around starlted thinking what the fuck was that. It was that pesky cat, the cute kitteny one from next door. It’s black and white and appears at the window on the scaffolding at the most amusing moments. It’s also a ninja cat; damn ninja cats.
|bin Laden, friend, and magical floating machine gun.|
It peered at me coldly from behind a gate at the back of the house. I suspiciously eyeballed it back, and carefully moved away. When I felt confident I turned my back on the little ninja cat and set off on my journey. When I reached the street I momentarily glanced back and whaddayaknow that darn cat was following me. It stopped dead, and I quickly made my escape.
|Arnold's cat map|
Halfway up the street I hear the panic-howling of a distressed cat. Howwwooooo-howww-howwww-howwww-oooooooowwww Meeooooo-oooowwwwwwwwww-oooo-oowwwwww-mew. Another cat, a fat black one, howls at me from scaffolding on the opposite side of the road. Conscious of the distraction, I wheel around to check the opposite rooftops; no sign of any kitty-snipers keeping me in their crosshairs. They are well hidden; I am right to fear a coordinated attack.
I reach the end of the street and a ginger cat look-out notes my position and communicates to its general. I feel the noose tightening, the net closing in, the paranoia increases. Just because you’re paranoid, don’t mean they’re not after you. If cats can coordinate a chase, like a hunting pack of velociraptors, the maybe 9/11 was an inside job! Oh my god, it all makes sense now!
It’s so obvious; follow the money, I’ve done the research, I’ve read the forum posts, I’ve ignored all the right stuff. Bush did the big bomb thing cos he wanted to do wars and steal oil from the other men, so he pretended Islams was bad and killed all the Americans. I know what I’m talking about and if you disagree it’s because you haven’t read the same bullshit I have. All those buildings did a fall down when they should not have because plane fires are different and steel doesn’t do something something, and er... something.
And the moral of the story is – cats are cute, and conspiracy theories are dumb. Long live cats.