... but I stopped. Now I'm a dad, and may blog again...

Sunday, April 29, 2012

582: Random Topic Generator 2: Avoiding the Flue

Playing again with the Random Topic Generator I was surprised to be given the subject Avoiding the Flue. Yes, Avoiding the Flue. The Flue. Flue. A pipe for removing vapours, fumes or smoke from an area, for example a chimney. Avoiding the Flue. How to spend as little time as possible interacting with chimneys. Avoiding the Flue. Flues to be avoiding. Keeping ones distance from flues. It is fortunate for travellers in the Harry Potter universe that JK Rowling decided to misspell the word as floo. Flues are to be avoided; floos are to be travelled via. Important distinction. Don't be confused.

Most people have no real worry with regard to avoiding the flue. Chimneys are often blocked up in old houses and rarely or never installed in modern houses. Flues, where they are installed, are usually to vent steam from boilers or to allow oxygen into heaters to prevent the production of the deadly gas carbon monoxide. Unless you are some sort of qualified certified gas fitter you shouldn't be messing about with these. Poorly installing or maintaining this equipment is a crime punishable with derision and detention. Don't do it. Avoid the flue like the plague.

If you're Father Christmas, the Grinch, god or Jack Skellington, then flues and chimneys are unfortunately an occupational hazard. As you know Father Christmas uses his magicks to transport him down any heating-related venting aperture so as to deposit parcels of branded shop-bought merchandise into the living rooms of the world's families. The Grinch, god and Jack Skellington are involved in the periodic imitation of Father Christmas, usually only when the whim takes hold of them. God also makes the tenuous claim to be everywhere at all times. So he is both in chimneys and away from them; having his cake and eating it too. There is no real advise I can offer these guys. They will just have to tolerate the flue as I see no way it can be avoided.

It might have made more sense, and been of more value, had the Random Topic Generator suggested the subject Avoiding the Flu. But it didn't, did it. It suggested Avoiding the Flue. So there we are. No advice about no subject. Be well, and may your life be happily free from flue/flu, delete as preferred.


Willis Shafthauer said...

I've seen 'flue' used as another word for 'vagina.'

But I don't think people on the internet need loads of advice on how to avoid that.

It does sound funny reading 'Avoiding the Flue,' when you think of that way though, like 'The Flue' are the lady bad guys from some sort of sexually charged body-snatcher film.

Kevin Bradshaw said...

I've never heard of that usage. Although it's probably safe to assume that almost every word in the dictionary can be used euphemistically for 'vagina'. All other words mean 'penis', 'drunk', or 'drunk penis'.