It really is the ultimate Ohrwurm; an earworm so compulsive that it threatens to break down the edifice of sanity I have so carefully constructed. It is more robotic and soulless than Kraftwerk performing Autobahn with T-1000 on drum machine and Robert Kilroy-Silk and David Cameron singing harmonies. A bizarre anomaly; it has its own Wikipedia page, even though the singer doesn’t (EDIT: she does now). Is it a statistical blip of a low point, or a plotted course on the unstoppable downward trajectory of popular culture?
My niece is three years old; does this song represent a possible future where all music is this cheap and idiotic and yet so impossible to unstuck from ones poor tormented mind. In ten years time is this sort of thing all that my niece will listen to? Is it a calculated step in the alien invasion, designed to render us all blithering babbling wibblers, reducing us to the mental age of 10 and preventing us from appreciating anything requiring consideration or intelligence? Only compulsively addictive mechanical repetitions of words like partyin’, fun and yeah will be considered worthwhile creative endeavours, and all of art and science will falter and collapse.
According to Wikipedia it took only one week for the YouTube video to leap from 3,000 hits to over 18 million. That is a terrifying increase. Hopefully it will plateau, because a continued increase at such a dangerous speed would surely hasten the collapse of civilisation. If it continues soon its propagation will become the Western world’s motivating factor. It will replace all national anthems. All aid and charity work in the developing world will cease. As will all military action against terrorist organisations and oppressive regimes. These will be replaced by ensuring that all the world, especially people without ready access to YouTube, will succumb to the terrible psychological torment of internally repeating It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday....
a rich idiot, yesterday
Hip hop and pop have both struggled against idiocy, childishness and cheapness within their ranks, and this song does more damage to both of their respective reputations than could be done by a thousand millennia of 50 Cent lyrics and Katy Perry melodies. Why now does every pop song need a nonsensical rap shoehorned into the latter half of its allotted three minutes, no matter how inappropriate. Who is the weird old man rapping about overtaking a school bus, and just what the hell does he think he is playing at?
This article at OK! Magazine sets the tone for all future levels of media coverage. Soon all “Breaking News” around the world will be dictated by the twitter account of our malevolent alien overlord. War in the Middle East, famine in Africa and natural disaster in Asia will slowly disappear from our collective consciousness to be replaced with the pointless ummings and ahhings of children – kickin’ in the front seat, chillin’ in the back seat, gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take? Just sit the fuck down. I’m sorry master I spoke out of turn, please don’t make any more songs, please, no no NOOOOOO
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