“When Alexander of Macedonia was 33 he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds left to conquer... Eric Bristow is only 27.” -Sid Waddell
When Isaac Asimov was 60 years old he compiled Opus 200 to celebrate the publication of his 200th book... I am only 29. Don’t look too closely at that vainglorious claim; it is paper thin, and will fall apart under even the most cursory of examinations. I freely admit that a blog post is not an achievement equal to the publication of a book. But it’s close! No, no it isn’t. Wikipedia’s Asimov bibliography lists 515 books; a staggering achievement, reachable only by the most manic and compulsive of writers. The amount of coffee and whiskey one writer would need to consume to write that much would be enough to enlighten an elephant. Someone put the kettle on.
While I’m waiting for my cup of coffee I will throw this temperamental and stupid computer at the nearest wall and beg, borrow or steal an old and well-oiled typewriter. Something that can be used to put words neatly on paper, but that doesn’t have operating systems, host processes (?), error messages, or any crashes more serious than a stuck type hammer. The continuous bell ringing, and hitting of the carriage return lever is surely not as annoying or testing as ‘Windows blahblah has stopped working and was closed’. Error codes that Windows generates but doesn’t even recognise. Curse you, computer people. Do typewriter ribbons still exist? Back when I last worked in a stationery shop we sold one, and it was only ever bought by one elderly man. When we stopped stocking it due to lack of demand, he still came in and ordered it for stupid prices from the catalogue. Still it’s easier than having to explain to an 80 year old what a registry error is. Especially soon as I haven’t got a clue myself.
If Asimov was still alive he would definitely have written a book by now that could help solve all actual and hypothetic problems relating to all versions of Microsoft Windows. He knew everything about everything, from Genesis to how to explain gravity to children, from the chemistry of life to the geography of stars. His prodigious writing was an outlet valve for his vast field of specialist knowledge. A measure to prevent sudden-onset brain explosion.
Completing 200 consecutive daily blog posts does feel like a minor achievement, but more than that it feels like an incomplete collection. Every day I add another rare sticker, stamp, beer mat, or card to my prized collection; every day I get closer to the complete set, but the size of the set expands daily at the same rate. I’m chasing the end away at a leisurely daily pace. Not to worry. I’ll still be doing this aged 80.