We've got ducks on our shower curtain. Not real ones, cheeky cartoon ones, looking like bath-time rubber duckies. There are six babies and two growed-ups in a repeating pattern. The growed-ups look very similar to the babies, as though they have evolved to remain stuck and become sexually mature in a juvenile stage, like axolotls, emus and maybe even humans (the shape of an adult human's face is much closer to that of a juvenile chimp than it is to an adult chimp).

The only difference between our shower curtain baby and adult ducks is a slight patternation on the adults' wings which the babies don't have, and the colouration of the eyes (white with black pupils for adults, empty orange pits for the babies). There's no indication of external genitalia on any of the cartoon ducks on our shower curtain, thank heavens, imagine how distracting that could be. Also I think sales of that particular design would take a dive amongst a certain demographic, timid middle-class families and the like.

Of course we can't live our lives pandering to these (possibly imaginary) people in the middle of society. If there are people out there who want a ducky shower curtain with visible genitalia then they should damn well be allowed to have it. That's supply and demand, freedom of expression, the right to live your private life in the way you see fit, as long as you are not harming anyone else. And no, (possibly imaginary) middle class busybodies, your feeling of righteous offense does not constitute harm. So shut the fuck up who ever you are, it's just a shower curtain, neither you, nor it, even exist.

Our ducks don't have visible genitalia, you'll remember from earlier. But yet they are still quite distracting as I think I have inadvertently demonstrated. Most of them are looking forwards in the direction they appear to be marching, but some of them look cheekily to their sides, or directly at us, staring us out, distracting. I just sit on the toilet laughing at their cheeky little glances. What fun. What mischief.