I like Iceland, I really do. The shop, not the country (although I suspect the country would elicit a sense of awe and wonder in me, as well as making me cold). It's more than just the chicken dinosaurs the London media elite would have you believe. It also sells prawn rings, pizzas and frozen pork pies. Aaaannnnd... frozen sandwiches! Frozen pork pies and frozen sandwiches. For the traditionalist you can also buy non-frozen varieties of fruit, veg, bread, tea bags, cheese and breakfast cereal. Just like a normal shop.

But the real draw is the party packs, Indian, Chinese, barbecue, Christmas, all the foods. Just don't buy anything with frozen ribs in because they will, will be hunks of inedible gristle. I recommend the mozzarella sticks and the breaded king prawns, it's like a world cruise of fast food. Visiting far flung ports of the Mediterranean, the Indian sub-continent and the Orient or whatever we're calling it now, without leaving the vicinity of your deep-freeze.

Iceland, Iceland, how I love thee, let me count the ways, one king prawns, two mozzarella sticks, three cheap pizzas, four it's where we buy decaffeinated tea from for when it's really late but we still need a brew, five the queues are shorter than at the Aldi next door. Five. That's five ways I love you Iceland. Six if you count the snobby snide chuckle I got to have at the frozen sandwiches and pork pies. See even those of us that like the Iceland still seem inclined to maintain a slight air of superiority. Pathetic, isn't it.

Winter has well and truly set in, and Iceland isn't even as cold as the fridge and freezer aisles in Asda. But Asda has a McDonald's for those of us that need to eat before, after and during doing a big food shop. See there's all different things you need to weigh up. Aldi's got those little Belgian beers, 10 bottles for £3-something, but it's fruit and veg is shit that goes bad in two days. Asda has a massive bakery section but it always seems to be empty. Quality Save is good for toilet paper, tissues, the occasional canvas, sun cream, toiletries, jars of bockwurst, anti-bac wipes, and absolutely nothing else.

It's a complex.... thing. It's complex.