... but I stopped. Now I'm a dad, and may blog again...

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

159: Measuring micro-twitches and lurking in darkness

My public list of blogspot followers shows I have ten acolytes, yet the back end mysteriously states the number at eleven.  This extra follower remains unknown and invisible.  When following a blogspot blog using google you can choose to follow privately, but why would you?  Who is this creepy spy; who are you and what do you want from me!?  A while back I had a wee bit of a laugh at those twats in the Scientology department of the planet Earth’s wide range of oddness.  Those litigious yobbos have a habit of lurking online and bullying the weakest critics and satirists they can find, and it wouldn’t surprise me if they have aimed their weird pseudo-religious intelligence-gathering laser beams through my window and onto my keyboard in order that they may collect my offline keystrokes.  They’ll be watching me through reflective surfaces and decoding my thoughts by measuring micro-twitches in my irises and eyelids.

No, of course not; what childishly silly paranoia!  Day dreams and night terrors, that’s all that is.  My clandestine observer is not that petty international cabal of crappy sci-fi writers and loopy Hollywood wackos.  The Pioneer plaque was a beautifully designed illustration of man, woman, our solar system and its place in the galaxy and some basic information about binary and hydrogen atoms.  It was launched into the depths of space in 1972 and again in ’73.  Its wishful purpose was to communicate some basic information about the nature of humanity and, should it ever be discovered by intelligent advanced extraterrestrial life, perhaps facilitate communication between our species.  It seems more than plausible to me that we are in the process of contact being made, and our advanced alien counterparts have chosen a more contemporary method of harvesting information.

I am among those chosen, as a sample of Earth life, to be monitored in secret.  They may come in peace or they may come to lay waste to our beautiful planet, but either way I am happy to help with one proviso.  I know you are reading this, E.T., and I just want a sign to indicate your answer to this simple question: Has your great alien species come up with anything as inane, vicious and tawdry as the ‘Church of Scientology‘?  If you want my help your answer to that question must be ‘No, of course not; we’re not stupid, you know’.  If that is the case, Vulcan brethren, come down and say hi.  Follow my blog publically and proudly, instead of lurking in darkness of private following.  Bring your advanced logic to cure our species of war, racism, bullying, hate, religion, famine, injustice and Scientology.  Ironically use your Vulcan example to bring humanity to the human species.  And stop watching me in secret, it feels so dirty.

the Pioneer plaque

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