I’m sitting in Solomon Grundy’s on Wilmslow Road in Withington for the first time since it’s ‘refit’, struggling to understand what has actually being changed. It was closed for a couple of weeks and as far as I can discern the only difference is that the chairs are a bit wobbly now. All the drafts are off due to cleaning so I had to order bottled. I chose Duvel, mistakenly as it seems, as I am unable to pour it into the glass without generating a head five times taller than the actual quantity of beer. Plus I didn’t realise it is 8% so I would be well advised to go easy on it.
The laptop is being temperamental again today; I have been pounced upon by the blue screen of death twice already, and keep getting a ‘Host Process for Windows Services stopped working and was closed’. I have no idea what this means, and if it spells impending computer doom.
This is the first time I’ve blogged in public, and it’s a strange feeling. Despite the fact I will post this for all to read, I am paranoiacally aware that someone may glance over my shoulder at these words as I write them. For some reason this terrifies me; oh what a desperate thrill. So perhaps I can just make small observations about what I can see from the window. A bus with “Jesus loves you” emblazoned on the side, pert-titted female students with blonde ponytails, lanky male students with funny little beards, a man in a van eating a pasty, an old Asian fellow coming out of the vegetarian cafe, an old guy sitting opposite me with a trilby a pile of books and a miniscule cup of coffee. Fascinating eh? No, I guess not.
Having my laptop out in public also makes me painfully aware of its shitty quality. Although it’s only about 18 months old, it has a missing H key, duct tape over the camera (after I got paranoid that a cracked game I downloaded was spying on me because the camera light came on unprovoked), dust in all the crevices, and a useless battery that means I need to keep it plugged into the mains at all times. It’s also suspiciously large, and un-Apple. People who write in public are surely only doing it to show off their twattish status as an Apple user. It’s true Apple used to be cool, when it was primarily aimed at creators (with its excellence as a video and audio editing tool), but now it is primarily aimed at thoughtless consumers (iPod, ~Phone, ~Pad: cool, but essentially useless). And yes they look good, stylish, sexy, all that, but I really don’t think that an Apple product would go with my age-ripped jeans, and scratched watch. No, until I have expensive and stylish clothes, glasses and accessories I have no business considering purchasing any Apple products. I shall make do with my ugly battered laptop, which goes perfectly with my ugly battered clothes. And face.
I had a King Solomon’s Breakfast (or at least just over half of it) and although it looks nice must conclude that it is not a patch on the kind you would get for half the price in a greasy spoon. Bury black pudding: check, but only two tiny little bites. Weird posh hash browns which are too dry and not as flavourful as the frozen kind you can buy in a big bag for 79p from any supermarket. Two tasty sausages that look like big fat tropical grubs. Not bad, but not worth the money.
Anyway, down to the main reason I am here, which is to finish my short story for next month’s Blank Pages magazine away from the distraction of the TV. Off I go.
This is hard work. There is soul music and casual chit-chat to proving multitudinous distraction. Plus it’s pretty bloody cold in here, and seems to have no wi-fi. Maybe I’ll try the library. Hopefully they’ll have electricity I can steal.